What Women Want?

During last weekend's message, I shared some data I gathered from a very unscientific survey I carried out on facebook. I sent out a message to 100 single women I knew overseas and in the states, and I asked them to answer concisely and honestly three questions, here were the questions. What’s your idea of the perfect guy? What 2 non-negotiable qualities do you look for in a guy? And what do you wish single Christian men would do more of or become better at?

Well here are the answers I recieved, I took all their answers and I looked for recurring themes and three jumped out. Actually before I give you those answers, here is an interesting detail about their responses; almost none of the responses said anything about physical beauty or features (Except for one or two who expressed a desire for someone who takes showers and cleans himself)

So here are their responses, starting with #3, the ladies expressed the desire to be with a GODLY MAN who wasn’t creepy or a weirdo about his life and faith. There were lots of emphasis in their responses about the need for Christian men who weren’t TIMID about expressing their faith in public and living it in private. Some mentioned that they found attractive men who weren't afriad to express their love for Jesus.

#2 – almost consistently in all the response, the ladies expressed the desire to be with a godly man who knew how to COMMUNICATE! ( …to listen attentive and respond intelligently). Fellas, we gotta "up"our skills in this area. I know it's much easier to keep it all locked up in the dome, but leaving it in storage doesn't foster intimacy with the girl in your life.

And the most important quality that almost every response had was this, #3 – the ladies expressed the desire for a godly man who would TAKE MORE INITIATIVE in the relationship. That includes manning up to ask her out, manning up to take lead in the relationship and manning up to see your promises through.

Almost every response I received had SOME FORM OF THAT LAST ANSWER; it was a little eye opening because these ladies were in essence echoing what the bible already says God has created men to do in relationships – TAKE THE INITIATIVE AND LEAD!! If you recall, when God created Eve from Adam, he didn’t create her from his head so she could rule over him; that would be feminism. He didn’t create her from his feet so he could dominate and trample over her; that would be chauvinism. He fearfully and wonderfully created her from his side to be equal with him; protected by him; and loved by him. But, within the context of that relationship, GOD has entrusted men with the role of initiating and leading.

The apostle Paul draws a comparison between the role men should be playing in a relationship and the role in which Jesus serves the church. He says in EPHESIANS 2:25-27 “…Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. ”

Do you hear the call for men to STEP UP and lead in those verses? Here is the reality; masculine initiative is the foundation of a biblical marriage (your role doesn’t end when you get married either – it’s a lifelong commitment to the girl in your life!). So, in light of all of that, "fellas, if you want to be married, then pursue godliness in your life, find a godly gal, treat her right and communicate in a way that makes her feel loved, talk to her parents, pop the question, tie the knot, and start making babies!!" (Keving DeYoung - "Just Do Something")

Amen!

When Babies Rule the World!

Ok, I just couldn't resist! this was too awesome! I am soooo going shopping for some Evian water this weekend! :)

Where art thou, my Love?

I was reflecting with my wife earlier this week on Sunday’s message, and she brought up an observation about the message I preached. She said “…it sounded like you were speaking mostly to people who were already in relationships, but most remix peeps are still single and are wondering where and if they’ll ever find someone to share all this insight with”

As I thought through the message, I realized she was right! My sermon prep didn't start out as that, but as I worked through the passage in Song of Songs, I discovered the text was leaning more towards people already in relationships (even though the message was titled "finding the one" - oops, sorry!). Anyway, my rationalization with Sunday’s message was that most of you will eventually meet someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. So rather than focus on the “where & how”, I chose instead to focus on preparing YOU for that moment.

Having said all that, the option of where you meet “the one” is totally up to you, I think there’s definitely the need to pray about it and ask for God’s guidance, but there’s also the need for some initiative on your part (especially you guys). Let me put it this way, you’re probably not going to meet “the one” if you’re hanging out in your apartment every weekend with a bowl of popcorn and ice cream! (I know a few guys in College who did that, thinking “...Oh, God will bring her to my door steps! After all, he did it for Adam!” :)

I have to say, I think that last part is only applicable if you wake up one morning and you are the last guy on earth, and by some chance there is another hottie named Evelyn next to you – in that case, you can just sit and wait till she falls in love with you (odds are in your favor!). But since that hasn’t happened yet (and will never happen), get out there and mingle with some friends, join a club, or go on a mission trip with a church (that’s how I met my wife)!

I love this quote from Ben Young; Ben is the pastor of one the largest singles ministries in Houston, Texas and has co-authored an excellent book called “the 10 commandments of dating” he writes this “....if you don’t’ have a life of your own, you won’t be happy even if you date, fall in love, and get married. Why? Because you will have nothing to give to the relationship, and you will drain your partner completely dry... Inevitably you will put extraordinary expectations on the other person to fulfill you, complete you, entertain you and soothe you. No created thing - certainly no human - can perform up to those outlandish expectations. Only the creator who made you can do that, and he made you to…GET A LIFE!”

Get the point? I wholeheartedly believe there’s the need to seek God’s approval and trust his timing, but he’s also given you a good amount of freedom to operate within his will and his word; he’s also blessed you with some natural abilities, talents, and skills that you thrive in, so act on them and pursue your hobbies (you might find the one along the way).

As you pursue your passions, I think it’ll be incredibly helpful in your journey if you follow the guidelines we spoke of during this weekend’s message at REMIX (part 1 – “finding the one”); those truths are straight from the word of God and will make it easier for you to identify the one you think would be a good fit for you.

There was one last issue that also came up and that was the issue of “online dating”; is it a go or no-go zone for Christians? I have my opinion on it, but Rick Holland from Grace Community church in California has written a great article that captures my view on the issue. Here is a little excerpt from his excerpt:

“…online dating is essentially accountability-free. Time on a computer is almost always spent in isolation, making it impossible for pastors, parents, or peers to watch the relationship develop. A sense of anonymity gives the heart a greater sense of freedom in expressing that which might not be said in real life.….. On balance, the Christian single who is renewing his or her mind through the Scriptures, and seeking to live in a way that honors Christ through the power of the Spirit, can certainly navigate the electronic waters of online dating with purity and integrity…." (Read more here)

In other words, I'm pro online dating, just be careful and guard your heart! This weekend, we’ll be talking about the roles of guys and girls in a dating relationship that ends in a lifelong marriage, hope to see you on Sunday at REMIX (http://remixnj.com/)

The bible talks a lot about “the day of the Lord”; for followers of Jesus Christ, it will be a day of rejoicing and rewards (2 Timothy 4:8), but for everyone who has delayed or rejected Christ, Romans 2:5 is clear that “that day” will be the saddest moment in their eternal existence

Not the most encouraging way to start a blog right?

This chapter is particularly prevalent this morning because a great artist I revered as a kid passed on late last week, yap I was once a huge fan of the gloved one – Michael Jackson. I obviously disagree with a lot of the choices he made later in his life, but seeing this African American dude back in the day (when he was still black) perform live on stage gave me my first glimpse into what I could someday strive to become (ok so I ended up in ministry, but I wanted to be a musician for the longest time).

Anyway, all of that is side note to what I really want to say. There’s been a lot of talk lately about how nice a guy he was and how much he cared for the “unfortunates” in the world (I believe he did), but then the commentators have also been adding how great his “afterlife” must be right now because of his “goodness” in life.

As much as I loved M.J, I can’t help but wonder what he’s experiencing right now.

Sure he was larger than life and he rose to great heights in fame, but God is no respecter of man and he does not show favoritism (Romans 2:11); everyone who passes from this life must and will ultimately stand before him and God himself will judge their secrets through another great man and divine being who once lived on the earth – JESUS CHRIST (Romans 2:16).

I don’t know what M.J believed about Jesus Christ or even if he did believe in Jesus Christ as his savior, but when someone you admired as a kid passes from this life, you have to ask those difficult questions (I wrestled and prayed through the same questions when my father passed away last year).

One thing I know for sure is that “being good” does not guarantee you eternal life (Ephesians 2:8), following every letter of the law does not save either (Romans 2:12-15). The only thing that can save anyone from the wrath of God is a righteousness (right living) that comes from God through faith in Jesus Christ (Romans 3:22). For it is truly by the grace of God through faith in Jesus Christ that any of us are saved (that’s why it’s called a gift); not by doing good works otherwise we would have reason to boast when we stand before God.

So M.J, oh I hope you were reconciled with Jesus Christ before you took your last breath because I would love to someday meet you in heaven and have you teach me how to do the moonwalk!

The other option if you didn’t? Not so pretty!

The Potential of God's word in my Life

Read Romans 1 and Psalm 1 this morning, still in search of the power of the cross that brings forth life. Verse 4 & 16 are good reminders that the power that raised Christ from the dead ("the spirit of holiness") lives within me, not only is it alive and well within me, but the gospel of Jesus Christ (when combined with faith) carries within it the power of God to completely change lives.

In verses 18-19, 21,28, & 32 - Paul brings to light the fact that God's truth (and power) is innate in and around each one of us, and that most people actually have to work hard to "suppress" this truth from coming to light. In other words, what may be known of God has already been made plain to them (either through natural or special revelation), unfortunately, out of the need to satisfy their own desires, they have refused to retain God's revealed truth - hence God has given them over to the natural consequences of their sinful actions.

Psalm 1:2 & 3 - If my greatest delight and greatest Joy is to meet with the Lord in HIS WORD on a regular basis, and if I allow those words to stew in my heart during the day and at night, then all the things I lay my hands on will prosper and the extent of my influence and impact will reach beyond what I could have imagined. Lord let my heart delight in yoru word day and night so that my life may produce spiritual fruit that will have eternal significance.

Drawing Close to the Heart of God

The Reading Journey Begins!

Something deep within me says I need to re-experience the power of the cross in my life again; I get the sense that I've lost touch with the "dunamis" cross and have been running on spiritual fumes! I haven't lost faith nor am I even in a spiritual desert - it's just that I sense that God wants to display more of his power in my life than I'm allowing him to (which probably explains my spiritual restlessness).

Anyway, I feel inclined to spend the next few months learning more about David's love for the Lord and Paul's instructions on the power of the cross in our lives.

Looking forward to meeting with the Lord in these books!

A REMIX PRAYER

Lord Jesus,

I thank you so much for all you've done in this ministry thus far, for giving us a foundation in YOU on which to build it, I pray that you would take us much further in impact and influence than what any of us could have hoped for or imagined. I also pray for the young adults you've been bringing out and are yet to bring out and I ask that you would accomplish two things in their lives.

I pray first that you would help every young adult who walks through our doors connect relationally with other believers in the ministry. I pray that they would find in remix a community of believers who love you and care deeply about them. I pray that you would stir the hearts of your people currently here to be on the continual lookout for those who feel alone and abandoned, and they would lovingly be your hands and heart to them. I pray for authenticity and vulnerability in the relationships that grow from this ministry, that young adults would feel free to open their hearts to one another and do life together genuinely. I ask God that you would bring healing into broken relationships that might already exist within the ministry. I also pray for all the small groups meeting (and future ones) that they would be communities of love, patience, joy, and acceptance. Please help the world around us see YOU in our behavior and how we relate with one another.

Father, I also pray that the young adults you've been bringing out and are yet to bring out would ultimately MEET WITH YOU in a very real way. I pray that no life would remain the same after hearing from your word and interacting with your people here at remix. I pray for those who have been broken and need healing or encouragement, I pray that through the times of worship that they would feel your loving comfort and be drawn closer to you. I pray for those who have hardened their hearts and I ask that through the power of your your word preached, that those walls they've built up would come tumbling down - so they might experience your love. I pray that you would convict and challenege those of us who need to change certain mindsets and behaviors in our lives and I pray that we would partner with your holy spirit and respond obediently to you in every way.

I ask that you would grant the young adults who walk through our doors a vision for their lives, that you would give each one of them their calling and the desire and motivation to pursue it wholeheartedly. For those whom you've already called and begun leading, I pray father that you would give them continual clarity on where and what you want of them, and that you would give them the passion to pursue your vision and stay the course (through the tough times and easy times).

Lord Jesus, Please hear my prayers today. I desperately long for us to be a ministry where people really like and care for one another and are solely devoted and LOYAL TO YOU in every area of their lives. Please meet with us in this prayer Lord and do such a mighty work in the lives of your people at REMIX that the world around us would be utterly astounded.

I commit my prayers to you Now....... and now, to HIM who is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, TO HIM BE GLORY in the church (REMIX) and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever,

Amen!

Who are the "De-churched"

You've probably heard a lot of talk about the terms "the unchurched" and the "de-churched". Heck we even use it in explaining the remix strategy of reaching those far from God. The term "unchurched" seems simple enough, it means those who are not part of a church. However the term "de-churched" is a little weird.

Well Matt Chandler (pastor of the Village Church) does a phenomenal job in the above video explaining who they are.

I guess a more important question is, what do we do to get them churched again? (after all we are encouraged not to forsake the gathering of the saints); or better yet, how do we help them experience a real relationship with Jesus Christ that's based on grace and love not man-made laws?

Still thinking through this one!